Poetry

Worth

I find that we are all worthless until the we accept the measure of our value as something eternal.

Your once appreciated humour may grow to become stale,
Your once inspiring success may eventually fade into oblivion,

But in the ocean of mistakes and shortcomings and forgets,

There is always God,

to show you to yourself as the beauty you are capable of becoming.

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Beautiful Pain 

Please tell me again why I had to suffer because of the pain someone else caused you. 

I was convinced that pain marked a beauty on the soul that no other thing can, 
A beauty that only manifests itself in silence, 

When the soul decides to endure the pain rather than allow others to taste it’s bitterness. 

And the soul then becomes the most precious thing. 

But, much like physical beauty, this special beauty of the soul can be used in various ways. 

The possessor of said beauty, now that he has paid the price to own it, could choose to never let others feel what he has felt. 

Or he could choose to inflict the same pain on others, for he now feels entitled to be able to do so now that he has felt the same. 

Both choices are fair, and both are available to this beautiful soul.

But he should realise that one of these choices has made his soul priceless. 

And the other has made it the scum of the earth. 

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Pitter Patter on the Ocean 

I hope the scars you left on my heart allow yours to beat better. 

Please 

give me time to forgive my past self that was stupid enough, 

 to trust you with so much, 

when everyone saw so little. 
How many times did I, into my cupped hands, whisper your name? 

Like you would ever do the same. 
I hope God is there to smile upon you always, 
Because I can’t,

and never can.
Please, 

Be happy. 

And please, 
Leave me be. 

Blog

My Outlook on Life (Part 1 of WallahuA’lam)

The past few months have been very confusing for me, to be perfectly honest with myself. I’ve always known myself to be a person of positive direction and goals, and these are what have been carrying me throughout life really. This is the outlook that has given me (by Allah’s hand) success in a lot of my endeavours, whether it be spiritual, academic, physical or social.

However, recently it began to dawn upon me that my life was becoming little more than just fulfilling my responsibilities as a student, as leader and as a person, and that my happiness was becoming increasingly contingent on future events that I expect to happen.

“Perhaps happiness will come when I get into the university of my dreams”

and a long list of things that follow.

I find it difficult however to shake off the truth that I never know if the plethora of expectations I have of myself, events and other people will ever come to fruition. As much as one would like to believe otherwise, the multitude of factors involved in achieving anything means that nothing is certain. People? People change, even the ones we love the most, which renders it unwise to depend on people for support or fulfilment.

I realised how much of my life is lived pursuing happiness, which inevitably inculcates in myself the idea that happiness is something constantly strived for yet always out of reach.

And that was the problem.

Because if the grand scheme of things did indeed complement this paradigm I had in my head, I would have no problem being happy right now simply because I have achieved much in the past.

No, this does not mean that I remain satisfied with where I am and therefore not work towards achieving greater goals, but shouldn’t I, at the very least, in this moment, feel content?

In the midst of such confusion, I spoke to a good friend of mine about exactly this, who largely felt the same way and told me that it would be grand for us to aim to be happy in the precise moment we’re living right now. It is indeed true that the majority of us ‘hang our happiness’ on the future, or rather, our expectations of the future, which inevitably leads to great stress, a very fixed and closed mind, and at times, despair.

Reconciling this became primary to me.

As much as the grandeur of such a prospect struck me at the time, I also wondered how exactly such an easier-said-than-done thing could be accomplished, to which my friend answered:

“Soul searching”

I thought for a moment about what that meant.

And then knew that that was indeed what had to be done.

So that’s exactly what I began doing.

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After flushing the toilet.

Cause I was having the conversation on the phone while I was in the bathroom.

Classic.

~Azzam