I had a friend that meant a lot to me. I can easily say that they were my best friend. They were truly someone I was happy to have in my life, and I was happy to see them happy. They made me feel enough, amazing, and loved.
I would say that Allah blesses people in various ways and sometimes Allah blesses you with people. I remember being in a bad place emotionally, and I prayed to Allah for strength, and I think He answered my prayers through this friend. They made becoming a better person easy. They made facing the challenges that came my way easy. Academically, socially, spiritually.
But I think I made a mistake. Along the way I think I forgot that it was Allah who gave me this friend, and I begun to make them the centre of my life. I always wanted to make them happy because of how much they meant to me. I always wanted them to validate the way I was or the things I did, and if I didn’t I would feel bad about myself.
All along I forgot that my eternal compass is and should always have been Allah, and that only brought about destruction. That friend changed, the way we were changed, and I became distraught for a long time. I should have just been grateful for the times we shared. Grateful for the help. Grateful for the memories. But I wanted to own them, to own us, but this friend was never mine to keep. They had a life of their own and their own destiny to fulfill. I didn’t see that. I couldn’t be happy for them because I wanted to be happy for myself.
And now that friend is no longer here. Here in the sense of what we used to be and what we were.
It’s a real pain to have someone you love die but it’s an unreal pain when someone you love is gone and still alive.
And I just pray that Allah gives me the strength to be happy for them and pray for their guidance and happiness in this world and the next, because I know that deep inside somewhere that friend I came to know and love is still there and breathing, and I hope they find the strength to come to the fore again.
But if they don’t it’s okay, because I would remember anyway.